Unveiling the Mysterious "Johnson Effect": Forecasting a Texan Grand Nationals Phenomenon in 2023
A CT-J. Missing Special Report
Editors Note: This is based on Classified documentation delivered to us by the world’s top High School Marching Band researchers, and as such, it should be taken 100% seriously and is definitely not intended strictly for fun.
Researchers from around the globe have been meticulously dissecting the enigmatic phenomenon that is the North East Independent School District Claudia Taylor "Lady Bird" Johnson High School Marching Jaguar Band of San Antonio, Texas, or as they will be known for the remainder of this article, the "CTJ Band." What they've uncovered has left the world in a state of awe and disbelief. In a shocking revelation borne out of rigorous hours of investigation and interviews, experts now contend that Jarrett Lipman, the former maestro of the CTJ Band who has since transitioned into the world of local politics, may have harnessed the powers of dark magic back when the school first opened its doors to preordain the victor of the 2023 BOA Grand Nationals. Even though Lipman has left his position with the program, the mystical spell, they believe, endures to this day.
Claudia Taylor “Lady Bird” Johnson High School opened its doors in 2008, and in 2010, Jarrett Lipman was brought on to be the head director of the band, a position he held until the beginning of 2023, when he turned over the baton to Robert Lozano. During Lipman’s first season, it is alleged that the band director crafted his spell, which would start its cycle during the 2011 season. The “Johnson Effect” states that the CTJ Band would have a historic season every three years. The inaugural year this mystical force manifested itself was a season marked by a remarkable top-five finish at the BOA San Antonio Super Regional, a mere three years after their inception, and a coveted spot in the BOA Grand Nationals finals during their maiden voyage to Indy. Fast forward three years to 2014, and CTJ secured its first BOA Super Regional title in San Antonio, a feat that was repeated in 2017.
Now, skeptics might argue that the "Johnson Effect" should have been disrupted by the unforeseen emergence of the COVID-19 pandemic, which swept across the nation three years after their 2017 Super Regional triumph. However, they would be mistaken. The UIL held the State Marching Band Championships in 2020, and as the “Johnson Effect” would predict, the CTJ Band emerged victorious.
Upon examining this irrefutable body of evidence, it becomes unmistakably clear that 2023 is destined to be yet another historic chapter in the annals of CTJ Band history, and it is also the first time since 2011 that one of these historic years coincides with a Grand Nationals trip. Following the “Texas Advisory” issued during all years that end with a 3 (Spring 1993, Westfield 2003, and The Woodlands 2013), our team of researchers is instituting a “Jaguar Watch,” which will be upgraded to “Jaguar Warning” in the case of a regional win by the CTJ Band. Experts are urging the general public to prepare for the season accordingly, as our leading Tex-perts say that this could be the most Texan year on record at Grand Nationals, with an already record number of bands from the state set to attend.
J. Missing is the founding editor of Generally Ineffective Media. He is also a prestigious judge for the Drum Crops International, Bands of Amurica, and Winter Guard Intercontinental circuits, among others. Outside of the pageantry world, he cannot be found. However, he can be found on X @RealJMissing (he hasn’t quite figured out Threads yet).
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