BREAKING NEWS: Local Marching Band Finds out Vienna Teng has Written Songs Other than Hymn of Acxiom
A Generally Ineffective Media report
Head Band Director Daniel Bandman from The High School was sitting in on the annual Zoom design team spring meeting planning his band program’s fall marching program. “We’re doing a show called Darkness and Light,” he told us, “I’m looking forward to the innovation we can bring to the activity with this production.”
When discussing the repertoire to be used for the show, a lot of the typical culprits were mentioned, such as Mozart’s Eine Kleine Nachtmusik to represent the darkness and John Mackey’s Aurora Awakes to represent the light. “While these pieces are great choices for a show like ours, I thought that Vienna Teng’s ‘Hymn of Acxiom’ would be the perfect ballad,” said Mr. Bandman, “I always love hearing it on the field but feel like it isn’t given nearly enough love after Oregon Crusaders first broke ground in 2014 with their show ‘Nevermore’“.
However, when searching for the song on Spotify, as is quite routine for Dan, he accidentally clicked the artist's name, Vienna Teng, and was taken to her artist page. “What I saw next blew me away; I didn’t know how to react in the moment,” exclaimed the band director. “What I expected to see after misclicking was merely her single masterpiece that I wanted in my show, but instead, I saw that she actually had albums going back all the way to 2002!”
In utter disbelief, Dan Bandman was checked out for the rest of the design meeting, being blown away by tracks such as “Stray Italian Greyhound,” Copenhagen (Let Me Go),” and “Watershed.” Mr. Bandman commented, “I feel like, during that meeting, when I wasn’t paying attention, I was going through an existential crisis. Surely a musician and songwriter as talented as Vienna wouldn’t be watered down to a single song by our activity.” As of writing this, The High School has a job posting listed for head band director, and Daniel has not been heard from since.
When asked for comment, Vienna Teng only had this to say: “For the love of god, please play anything else. I hate ‘Hymn of Acxiom’ now.”
J. Missing is the founding editor of Generally Ineffective Media. He is also a prestigious judge for the Drum Crops International, Bands of Amurica, and Winter Guard Intercontinental circuits among others. Outside of the pageantry world, he cannot be found. However, he can be found on Twitter @RealJMissing (though he is waiting for someone to send him a Blue Sky invite).
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